My illegitimate child
Well, I have only one reason to not have a baby out side an official marriage...I don't want the poor child to be called "illegitimate". I mean maybe he/she turns out to be religious(God forbidden) and actually cares about these B.S. like premarital sex. After all, it is his life not mine so I can not decide on his behalf ... Better be safe. But since it's Friday night and I decided to work because I will be partying tomorrow night I am having these thoughts about my future..Here is the dilemma:
If everything goes as it's planned, I will graduate and get a job either in Europe(preferably Spain) or some where in south America or maybe in Dubai. I will work, be an independent attractive woman, will date bunch of random guys, will get bored of them soon and will not be married soon...Now I want to have a baby. The question is, if I get the seed from, you know, these banks that they have, and plant it inside me would it still be considered "illegitimate"? I mean, all this crap was invented when the technology was not this advanced. It's some serious problem. You see...You haven't had sex so you haven't made a sin...But your child "doesn't know his father"...
There are some legal details too. In Iran, the nationality only goes through the father. That is, if I marry a non-Iranian guy my children can not be Iranians...So what would be the nationality of this baby? He can not be Iranian because they say he has to get his father's and well, I don't really know where the father was from. Right?
If everything goes as it's planned, I will graduate and get a job either in Europe(preferably Spain) or some where in south America or maybe in Dubai. I will work, be an independent attractive woman, will date bunch of random guys, will get bored of them soon and will not be married soon...Now I want to have a baby. The question is, if I get the seed from, you know, these banks that they have, and plant it inside me would it still be considered "illegitimate"? I mean, all this crap was invented when the technology was not this advanced. It's some serious problem. You see...You haven't had sex so you haven't made a sin...But your child "doesn't know his father"...
There are some legal details too. In Iran, the nationality only goes through the father. That is, if I marry a non-Iranian guy my children can not be Iranians...So what would be the nationality of this baby? He can not be Iranian because they say he has to get his father's and well, I don't really know where the father was from. Right?
P.S. I feel stupid that I actually care or to be honest fear what people would say if I have a child with out getting married. But I am honest. I do care as stupid as it is. "what would people say"...
posted by Anar @ 10:14 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Pantea, I'm not sure I know what to say to this post. But, as usual, I will try my best. You have raised several points. First, if your child can only be Iranian if her/his father is Iranian, then I guess that you need to think about how important that is to you. Is it necessary in your mind that your child's father be an Iranian?
You are concerned that your child might be labeled "illegitimate". Well, if everyone talks about everybody else in Iranian society, I can understand why you would be concerned. I personally think that the concept of legitimacy is sort of an outdated concept. Although, perhaps it is not among Iranians. I think that what is really important for a child is whether she/he is wanted and whether she/he will be loved.
I am a bit concerned for you that you seem to believe that you will never find a man that you want to marry. I suppose that having casual sex might be fun for a while, although, I have no personal experience in that department. I'm not making any sort of moral jugement here, but don't you think that you would be happier if you found a man that loved you that you could also love in return?
Let me offer one more thing to think about. I personally believe that a child, boy or girl, can benefit greatly from having both a mother and a father around to love them and to teach them useful lessons for their future life. I have known some people who were basically raised by only one parent. They all seemed to have more difficulty growing up and adjusting to adult life. I too had some problems along those lines. I had a father, but he worked all the time, so he was never really there for me in any useful sense. I'm not trying to say that if you had a child by artificial insemenation that your child would definitely suffer from lack of a father, but it is possible. Personally, I would like to have a child, but I would like to be married so that my child could be loved by both me and his mother together. However, these are very personal matters and it really isn't my place to tell you what you should do.
I think the most important issue here is not "legitimacy" or "what people say". You should firstly think: "is it OK to raise a child with only one parent?". It would be selfish if one tries to have a child since s/he is feeling alone or the life seems boring after a while, without paying attention to the consequences for the child with one parent. Add to it the "Marcopolo" life style besides your probable job responsibilites.
And again you might not want to make your desired decision on this matter since -as you said- "it is his/her life".
-babak
I think the most important issue here is not "legitimacy" or "what people say". You should firstly think: "is it OK to raise a child with only one parent?". It would be selfish if one tries to have a child since s/he is feeling alone or the life seems boring after a while, without paying attention to the consequences for the child with one parent. Add to it the "Marcopolo" life style besides your probable job responsibilites.
And again you might not want to make your desired decision on this matter since -as you said- "it is his/her life".
-babak
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